A letter to myself ..before motherhood

Dear a younger less mature carefree me,

I’m writing this letter at 00:33 at night which was a early night for you but it’s bloody late for me! I know I should be in bed now before my son our son 😉 decides he might want to wake in the middle of the night! most nights are me grabbing as much sleep in the night now, not laying in bed till 3pm on days off any more. THERE ARE NO DAYS OFF!

You work part time in a jewellery shop now, which you absolutely love but you don’t half miss Isaac when you’re at work. You feel like you’re going to miss out on so much when you’re there. It’s like you’re going to go home and everyones celebrating his 18th birthday and he’s leaving home and doesn’t need you any more.

I’ve had the day off today though, It’s been a Sunday full of chasing the little love around his bedroom making sure he didn’t bang his head on anything whilst he attempts to use his legs for the first time, Whilst you were probably recovering from a night out on the town dancing away in the same clubs every weekend with the same people drinking the same thing. You would have been waiting for the photos to be put on face book all day so you can cringe at yourself and quickly search for the untag button! Them days don’t happen to me (you) any more…your profile is full of baby picture and baby talk. Every things related to Isaac, he’s your whole life now! He has been since the moment he was born. You should stop going out, one day you realise it wasn’t worth going out every weekend, it was pointless and sometimes as much as you wont admit it, you just went out to please other people!

You have your own little house now, it’s gorgeous! Don’t think they just handed it to you because you got a baby! I mean, you wouldn’t have got this house without Isaac but it took a lot of stress, time and a bit of resentment of some people getting them before you with younger babies. It all works out though, just hold tight and keep doing what you’re doing. You miss your mum alot, but you’re some ones mum now you have to move out to give him his own little room and a nice little garden for him to play when he’s older. It’s difficult the whole ‘paying bills’ things (worst than you thought) but you get used to it, it’s just about getting in the habit of paying them! You’re not just working for pocket money any more you’re working to pay the bills.

You could do whatever you wanted to do whenever you wanted, although most of the time you chose the lazy option. You’d prefer to sit there in your pyjamas instead of making any effort to go out. I think you secretly may have know of what was yet to come so you made up for the late nights/early mornings with teenage years full of lazy days. You think you’re helping me out but in actual fact it made it so difficult in the beginning knowing that I HAD to do everything for this little boy, no matter how I may be feeling.

when YOU think of child birth you think blood pain and disgusting stitches that make you NEVER want to go through it as you CAN’T DO IT! when I think of childbirth I think of a beautiful yet painful experience that turned out to be the best day of my life and I can’t wait to do it again one day (when the time is right). You don’t think you’re strong enough to give birth and you don’t even know if you’ll be capable of getting pregnant, just a bit of inside knowledge for you you are strong enough and you can!

You think you’re never going to find anyone that you can imagine spending a large portion of your life with never mind the whole of your life with, You do. You find the love of your life and you know it from the start, don’t listen to people who say you can’t fall in love so quick. it takes one day and a weekend. (you’ll understand when it happens). You meet your best friend and you don’t know how you were ever without him! You can tell him anything and you can be yourself. Them no make up messy hair days, he’s there and he doesn’t care! He loves you, and you love him more than you could ever imagine, especially when you see how much he loves his son.

You lose some friends along the way, some really close friends. People who you’ve had by your side for years and it hurts. You realise your priorities change when your pregnant and then you realise even more when your baby is in your arms and you first become a mum!

I know it sounds like a lot of negatives but it all so so worth it! when you see his little smile and when he giggles at you from across the room you realise he’s what it’s all about. That’s your purpose now, you’re his mummy and his world. He’ll need you forever! Don’t worry about the future, it can only get better! ❤

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One thought on “A letter to myself ..before motherhood

  1. Ahh what a lovely written letter. You write so beautifully and I love the cheeky gorgeous grin of your little one at the end. It really can only get better for sure lovely. Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me. I hope to see you again soon. #sharewithme

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